Trust

 

Posted on January11, 2023 by Tom Chimento

Trust is foundational for all relationships, but especially for our marriages. Trust is not so easy to cultivate and, once broken, can be excruciatingly difficult to repair. If we desire healthy relationships, they must be built on a foundation of trust.

  Characteristics of Trust

Integrity:

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. Integrity means doing the right thing always and in all circumstances, whether anyone is watching.

he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity Proverbs 2:7

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them. -Prov 11:3

Honesty:

Honesty is the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness; freedom from deceit or fraud. With integrity comes the freedom to be honest in all circumstances. When you hold the same values in all circumstances, it is easy to tell the truth. Are you honest about who you are and what you believe, or do you cater your answers and change them based on who is listening?

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience Luke 8:15

Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit -Prov12:17

Intent:

Can others trust that your intentions are not solely self-serving? Gandhi once said, “The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.”

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. -Prov 16:2

Consistency:

Are you keeping the commitments, big and small, that you make to others? The consistency that builds trust is the kind that others can rely on.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. -Gal 6:9

Transparency:

If you are trustworthy, nothing in your communications to anyone should need to be so private that you couldn’t share them openly and willingly with your partner.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. -1 Jn 1:7

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. -Prov 28:13

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed -Ja 5:16

Rebuilding Trust  

How do you rebuild trust when you were the one who caused the violation in the relationship? You may have done or said something to someone that was very hurtful causing them to shutdown emotionally towards you. This is more common in marital relationships and between family members but it can have a negative affect on any relationship. So if you find yourself in this situation, there are some steps you can take to help others to begin rebuilding their trust in you. Here are a few suggestions:

Repent.

Repentance is always the first step towards reconciliation. Repentance is much more than just saying you are sorry although those words need to be communicated. You must exhibit the fruit of repentance which is turning and going in the opposite direction. Turn your back towards the cause of your hurtful actions and walk away from them from this day forward, never looking back. Those whom you offended may bring it up again but if you did truly repent you should not look back but humbly reaffirm your commitment to change with an eye on doing what is right and truthful. True repentance requires “taking action” much more than “speaking words”.

Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. -Matt 3:8

Remain humble.

Remaining humble without attempting to justify your words or actions is a good second step. If you are having a problem remaining humble you likely have not taken full responsibility for your actions. If you truly want the healing process to begin, you must be man or woman enough to humble yourself and take one hundred percent responsibility. If there is a “but” in your future conversation with that person in regard to responsibility you will end up going back to step number one.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

Have patience.

Strive to do what is right and honorable. Healing may take a long time depending on the depth of the hurt the other person has experienced. An important key to progress is not giving up. What seems impossible for man is possible with God.  

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. -Gal 6:9

..with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love Ephesians 4:2

Practicing Unconditional Love.

In any relationship the practicing of unconditional love is paramount. What is unconditional love? It is loving others without expecting anything in return. It is a selfless love, without any strings attached. This may not be easy, but it is essential and can have a powerful positive affect on any relationship.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1Cor 13:7

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. - Col 3:14

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. - 1 Tim 1:5

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. -Eph 5:2

It is never to late to start rebuilding trust in a damaged relationship. We have all fallen short in relationships one time or another. The Christian life is not about how many times you fall but it’s about getting back up, repenting, turning again to God and trusting that He will finish the good work that He began in your life. He is in the process of transforming you into His image and likeness. What does that look like? Love! (Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8)

 

Loneliness

 

Posted on January 15, 2023 by Tom Chimento

Just as the world population continues to rise year after year, loneliness is also on the rise. Loneliness is not determined by how many or few people there are around us. We can be in a crowd of 1000 people or in a small group of 5 and still feel lonely. Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. People can be alone and not feel lonely, or they can have contact with people and still experience feelings of isolation.  Sometimes, loneliness can be attributed to low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of any attention, which can lead to isolation.

 

Survey  

 

A 2018 Cigna survey of more than 20,000 U.S. adults ages 18 and older revealed some alarming findings:

• Nearly half of Americans, (46 %) report sometimes or always feeling alone and 47% feel left out.

   

• One in four Americans (27%) rarely or never feel as though there are people who understand them.

   

• Two in five Americans (43%) feel that their relationships are not meaningful and (43%) feel they are isolated from others.

   

• One in five people (20%) report they rarely or never feel close to people and 18% feel like they can not talk to people.

The overall rate of loneliness has increased by a staggering 13% since this survey was done in 2018.

 

Barna compared the rate of loneliness in the Church with the rate of loneliness in the general population and found little difference.

In the 1950s, sociologist David Riesman coined the term “the lonely crowd”, in part to describe collectives of people who live according to common traditions and conforming values, but who barely know or like each other. I fear the church is in danger of becoming just such a lonely crowd. – Mike Frost

 

God’s Plan  

 

God’s plan for humanity to combat loneliness revolves around family. I know that the word “family” invokes more negative feelings than positive in some. The main reason being the brokenness that many have experienced in their own homes. But our heavenly Father is someone who loves us unconditionally, who promises to never leave or forsake us. He can be counted on and trusted to do what He says He will do.  We get to be part of His family as sons and daughters. I know it sounds unbelievable that we can become sons and daughters of almighty God but it’s true. God has separated those who put their trust and hope in Him and welcomed them into His family.

 

...and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18

 

Our new family has a multitude of brothers and sisters in Christ who are called to have the same love for one another as Jesus has for us. As you can see, it’s not a suggestion but a commandment from Jesus. This love is the glue that hold family together, whether it be our natural family of spiritual one. It takes a humble person to unconditionally love others while they are in the middle of their struggle. Let’s humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God and walk in genuine love.

 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

 

Learning to love  

 

Learning to “love one another” in God’s house is important in representing Him to a lonely world. People need a real experience of love, not just a phony “I love you brother” christian catch-all phrase with no further action. To discuss all the aspects of this kind of love is beyond the scope of this post but let me touch on just a few so that we conclude with some practical application. Loving others involves quiet and focused listening. Many Christians have a lot to say but most have not been able to master the art of listening. All people, especially the lonely need to be heard so let’s practice listening. Another is to let them know that you value them as a person. You can recognize their worth as a child of God and express how they have something valuable to offer all of us. When you value something you will go out of your way to care for it. How can we go out of our way to show the lonely we care? Thirdly, integrate them fully into the family of God. Introduce them to all your brothers and sisters, contact them on a regular basis, invite them to dinner or special events. Let your love be practical and genuine. God Himself is the one who brings the lonely to your family. 

 

“God places the lonely in families.” Psalms 68:6

 

Remember, almost half the people you meet will be struggling with loneliness. If you happen to be one who struggles with loneliness there is nothing to be ashamed about. God loves you! I want to encourage you to reach out to someone in the family of God and share it with them. This may be difficult but I know it is on God’s heart to break the bondage of loneliness and bring everyone into a place of freedom. The truth sets people free. Let’s stand, speak and put feet on the truth so that we can see the lonely restored into His family.

 

Church or Business

 

Posted on January 10, 2023 by Tom Chimento

Have you noticed that the traditional church model today is looking more and more like a business enterprise. Many have large corporate buildings, paid professional leadership, paid staff workers, a financial board of “elders”, each having specific job descriptions. People are hired and fired on a regular basis as in any other business. Your performance is critical to keeping your “job”. When finances begin to decrease for whatever reason, cutbacks begin to take place and soon your “position” is no longer needed. This sounds all too familiar to anyone who has worked in the corporate world.

What has happened to the Church? What we know about God and the church can be found in the scriptures. Can you locate in the scriptures where Jesus purchased a corporate building for His followers? Did Jesus pay a salary to his staff? I don’t recall Him hiring or firing anyone. Did He have a local board? Were His apostles “professional”, except possibly in fishing? Did He offer dozens of “programs” to meet the personal whims of His followers? I wonder how much money Jesus budgeted for advertising.

Some Interesting Stats  

The average U.S. church spends the largest portion of its finances on personnel. Wages accounted for around 49% of the collective U.S. church’s spending in 2018. The second greatest expense was building and maintaining buildings — 23% of the budget. With around three quarters of the church’s finances dedicated to wages and buildings, the remaining funds are distributed between missions, programs and dues.

In 2017 U.S. churches received $124.52 billion in donations and spent around $90 billion of it paying staff wages, buying more land and building more buildings. What could the church accomplish with that $90 billion if it were suddenly freed up?

According to an article in Relevant Magazine:

• $25 billion could relieve global hunger, starvation and deaths from preventable diseases in five years.

• $12 billion could eliminate illiteracy in five years.

• $15 billion could solve the world’s water and sanitation issues, specifically at places in the world where 1 billion people live on less than $1 per day.

• $1 billion could fully fund all overseas mission work.

• $37 billion would still be left over for additional ministry expansion.

Ask the traditional church what their priorities are they may say things like “spreading the gospel” or “ministering to the poor” or “taking care of widows and orphans” to name a few. This can honestly be on the heart of many good church leaders. Maybe its time to align our finances with our priorities. Someone wrote, “Don’t tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I’ll tell you what your priorities are.”

Today as church attendance decreases and donations become smaller many churches are now looking to start side businesses using there existing buildings to raise the additional monies needed to keep them funded. There are seminars starting to emerge that teach churches how to incorporate a business into their existing structure without losing their tax exempt status. Maybe we should be re-evaluating our existing structure instead! Maybe we should spend more time “being the church” rather than building one!

A Local Church  

I attend a small house church of about 25 people. We try to be very intentional to draw people to our gatherings with only Jesus and His word. Meeting regularly, we share what God has been showing us by the Holy Spirit throughout the week and enjoy a rich time in His word. We praise and worship in song as one member leads us with a guitar. We enjoy a meal together after each gathering, building relationship and sharing our lives with each other. There are three biblical elders that oversee the group but none receive a salary. We love when we get the opportunity to sow into the lives of those in need, unhindered by any church induced financial burdens.

Our mission is “to equip people with the foundation of God’s Word and to partner with the Holy Spirit to extend the Kingdom of God through love and service”. Our vision: “To have an expression of the life of Christ in every community supported by a network of house churches”. This church structure is similar to that of the first century church and has many benefits besides the huge financial one. Each person gets to be a participant in the service and not just a consumer as we experience the presence of God together. Everyone gets to know each other in a closer and deeper way. The family worships together during the entire service and are not age segregated. It is really a beautiful experience. I can never see myself going back to a traditional church model. I’m ruined!

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4-5

For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building. 1 Corinthians 3:9

This post is in no way an attempt to judge the hearts of the traditional church body. I’m am praying that the traditional “business” focused church will go back to the word of God and consider making the necessary adjustments to its structure. We can impact the nations not only with the gospel of the kingdom but with the resources sorely needed by so many around the world to sustain life.

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:37-40

Lets always remember to Stand for Truth!

 

Racism

 Posted on January 8, 2023 by Tom Chimento

It is hard to watch the news today without someone talking about racism or people being racist. We begin with a definition of racism. According to the Oxford definition, racism is: “Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.” It’s also important to consider that racism encompasses both individual prejudices and bias along with manifestations of discrimination.

 

Since it is such a controversial topic, most media outlets who are looking for ratings love to talk about it. What they are actually doing is throwing fuel on the fire of racism. They do this intentionally because peace and unity does not “sell” in the news. So, an already bad situation becomes worse each day.

Lets be clear on the matter. Does racism really exist today in America? Absolutely! Does stealing exist? Does the killing of the unborn exist? Does lying exist? Does sexual immorality exist? Does homosexuality exist? Does child pornography exist? Does human smuggling and sex trafficking  exist? The answers are obvious to all these questions… YES on every account. These questions are not an attempt to minimize the issue of racism but there is a common thread that runs through each one. Sin! Sin that is allowed to grow and fester in a person’s heart is capable of unleashing terrible atrocities, racism being one of them.

 

The Church  

 

Let’s not think that the church is exempt from racism though.  Over the past several years I have seen racism enter the church. To see brothers and sisters who once shared a common love warring against one another about race over social media has grieved my heart. The Church needs to wake up! This is an attempt by demonic forces to undermine the ways and truth of Gods kingdom on earth. Our fight is against these demonic principalities and powers at work in our day, not against one another. 

 

Part of the problem today is that many church leaders refuse to address the issue of sin in the church.  Showing partiality in the scriptures is called sin. Many leaders don’t want to “make waves” or look like they are “taking sides”, they try to accommodate everyone so that no one gets upset. So they say nothing at all. In truth, this type of leadership strategy has the complete opposite effect. Many in the congregation end up wondering where the leaders stand on issues causing speculation which ultimately leads to gossip, backbiting and infighting. As Christians, we don’t “take sides”, we speak the truth as revealed in the Scriptures. The enemy is using race among other things in an attempt to destroy the Church from the inside. Beware!

 

Let the Scriptures Speak  

 

The Word of God may seem blunt to us at times, but that does not make it less true. For instance, in James 2:9 it says:

"...but if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors". James 2:9

 

The Greek term James uses for “partiality” (prosopolempsia) means to show favoritism or prejudice, to treat one person as inherently better than another. Any type of prejudice is a sin against God. God shows no partiality.

So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him". Acts 10:34-35 

 

God loves all His creation and He receives glory from their uniqueness. Each person has been specifically designed by God to express different aspects of his righteousness and loving character to the world. To get an idea of what God is going to cause to happen in the last days we can look at the vision John was given in the book of Revelations.

 

After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” Revelation 7:9-10

 

Conclusion  

Keeping things in perspective, the bible states that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” – Romans 3:23. We all fall short of Gods best for us on a consistent basis whether by action or thought. Thankfully we have a loving Father who, when we sin, forgives us of our transgressions. For the forgiveness of God to be effective in our lives we must first repent. Repentance means turning away from the sin and walking in the opposite direction. So if you have fallen into the trap of racism (or partiality) as the scriptures refer to it, we must repent first, and then put feet on our repentance by practicing love and inclusivity for all people.

Don’t allow the news cycles, or our public education system or any other demonic propaganda deceive you into taking sides on this crucial issue of race. Take a stand for truth!