Trust

 

Posted on January11, 2023 by Tom Chimento

Trust is foundational for all relationships, but especially for our marriages. Trust is not so easy to cultivate and, once broken, can be excruciatingly difficult to repair. If we desire healthy relationships, they must be built on a foundation of trust.

  Characteristics of Trust

Integrity:

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. Integrity means doing the right thing always and in all circumstances, whether anyone is watching.

he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity Proverbs 2:7

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them. -Prov 11:3

Honesty:

Honesty is the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness; freedom from deceit or fraud. With integrity comes the freedom to be honest in all circumstances. When you hold the same values in all circumstances, it is easy to tell the truth. Are you honest about who you are and what you believe, or do you cater your answers and change them based on who is listening?

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience Luke 8:15

Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit -Prov12:17

Intent:

Can others trust that your intentions are not solely self-serving? Gandhi once said, “The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.”

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. -Prov 16:2

Consistency:

Are you keeping the commitments, big and small, that you make to others? The consistency that builds trust is the kind that others can rely on.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. -Gal 6:9

Transparency:

If you are trustworthy, nothing in your communications to anyone should need to be so private that you couldn’t share them openly and willingly with your partner.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. -1 Jn 1:7

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. -Prov 28:13

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed -Ja 5:16

Rebuilding Trust  

How do you rebuild trust when you were the one who caused the violation in the relationship? You may have done or said something to someone that was very hurtful causing them to shutdown emotionally towards you. This is more common in marital relationships and between family members but it can have a negative affect on any relationship. So if you find yourself in this situation, there are some steps you can take to help others to begin rebuilding their trust in you. Here are a few suggestions:

Repent.

Repentance is always the first step towards reconciliation. Repentance is much more than just saying you are sorry although those words need to be communicated. You must exhibit the fruit of repentance which is turning and going in the opposite direction. Turn your back towards the cause of your hurtful actions and walk away from them from this day forward, never looking back. Those whom you offended may bring it up again but if you did truly repent you should not look back but humbly reaffirm your commitment to change with an eye on doing what is right and truthful. True repentance requires “taking action” much more than “speaking words”.

Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. -Matt 3:8

Remain humble.

Remaining humble without attempting to justify your words or actions is a good second step. If you are having a problem remaining humble you likely have not taken full responsibility for your actions. If you truly want the healing process to begin, you must be man or woman enough to humble yourself and take one hundred percent responsibility. If there is a “but” in your future conversation with that person in regard to responsibility you will end up going back to step number one.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

Have patience.

Strive to do what is right and honorable. Healing may take a long time depending on the depth of the hurt the other person has experienced. An important key to progress is not giving up. What seems impossible for man is possible with God.  

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. -Gal 6:9

..with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love Ephesians 4:2

Practicing Unconditional Love.

In any relationship the practicing of unconditional love is paramount. What is unconditional love? It is loving others without expecting anything in return. It is a selfless love, without any strings attached. This may not be easy, but it is essential and can have a powerful positive affect on any relationship.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1Cor 13:7

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. - Col 3:14

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. - 1 Tim 1:5

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. -Eph 5:2

It is never to late to start rebuilding trust in a damaged relationship. We have all fallen short in relationships one time or another. The Christian life is not about how many times you fall but it’s about getting back up, repenting, turning again to God and trusting that He will finish the good work that He began in your life. He is in the process of transforming you into His image and likeness. What does that look like? Love! (Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8)